i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
