Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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