Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
