So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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