i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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