She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
