Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
