So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
