one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
