i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
