I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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