And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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