Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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