You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
