I am puke
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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