Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
