I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
