I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
