I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
