i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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