I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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