Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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