you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
