I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
