How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
