wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
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Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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