I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize