Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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