girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
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I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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