It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
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i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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