Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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