oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
