i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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