You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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