so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
