if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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