People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
