Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
