Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
