i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
