Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
