hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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