I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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