How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
