At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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