Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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