i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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