Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
