I wish I could teleport
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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