I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
