Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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