i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
