you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
