peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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