she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
