At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
