sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize