How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
