I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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