I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
