I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize