Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
