i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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